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Post by Admin on May 22, 2007 19:39:33 GMT -5
If your too open minded...your brains will fall out.... Are you avoiding the compatibility post deliberately? Or shall we fly out into space and start talking about Alien compatibility... Can you prove that there aren't intelligent extraterrestrial beings?
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Post by Paragon on May 23, 2007 7:35:35 GMT -5
Now hold on Gents, and lets look at how each of you view compatibility. Paragon: You strongly believed that a marriage will die or erupt in a ruinous mess if the partners aren't fulfilling sexual fantasies. Thus your view of compatibility is limited to sexuality. If I can't get off with her, I don't want to be with her. In my view a 7th grader would say the same thing. And you are assuming that everyone maintains, dwells on, and acts on sexual fantasies. Not merely sexuality. It is an important part, however. I don't see how. Its helping ensure that you can stand being with this person for the long term. Lets face it, marriage is and isn't a lot of things. But if it is a life long deal, don't you want to make sure you and your soon to be spouse are completely compatible? You will be spending the rest of your life with that person, so wouldn't it be a good idea to make sure you don't make each other miserable? I agree. That would be the definition of casual sex, which I do not participate in. And for the record, STDs are very common in nursing homes, in fact, they've been growing there a lot. Why? Old people still have sex. A lot, apparently. Things like Viagra are probably the reason. The spread of STDs is because older people now aren't used to worrying about STDs, and when they were young, the only bad side-effect of sex was pregnancy. They know they can't get pregnant anymore, so they assume they don't need protection. But still, the point was that they still have plenty of sex.
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Post by voltage on May 23, 2007 9:48:02 GMT -5
Not merely sexuality. It is an important part, however. Let me underline what you say in the next topic.. There is your underlying problem. You feel that if you end up with someone who doesn't give you what you want the way you want it that your going to be miserable. I think that is a problem in yourself, since most people change to make a marriage work instead of throwing their hands up and divorcing. The reason why the world has wars and people fight and why were debating right now isn't because every person has this nifty little compatibility chart like Eharmony.com. We are all different, and we have to change our natural inclinations to get along. Now you can ask a man the day of his wedding if he is all worried that his wife won't give him blowjobs till there old and dead. What do you think he'd say? Most likely he'd think you were crazy since he is sealing the deal with one woman who he would sacrifice the world for. Marriage is more than what i want. It's a change from me to us. You go find a married couple who says they haven't been miserable with each other at least once and I'll show you a fake marriage. Now if you want to go have sex with a girl and then say "Now that I see you don't whip me, I guess I'll marry you." that's your choice, but I know that a girl who is abstinent won't have STD's or whipping dreams. So your saying that you can take care of a child, and a family? Then why don't you have one. Heh. So you think when your old and gray you'll still be having sex? What a delusion! I don't know if you've heard this or not, you might still be young yet but when we grow older our bodies degrade. We don't have as much energy or body function.
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Post by Paragon on May 30, 2007 12:04:17 GMT -5
You can't make every relationship work. I'm not talking about divorce either, I'm talking about dating. Everyone thinks of breakups as normal when dating, but divorce abnormal. So do I. I don't like the idea of divorce, and I'm trying to make sure it doesn't happen, by marrying only the woman I feel I am most compatible with, and only after an extended courtship (psychologically speaking, you should date someone for 2 1/2 - 3 years before marrying that person). Sex is on facet that should be explored to determine compatibility. And sexual compatibility goes both ways, so its not completely selfish. I'd certainly like to make sure my wife is getting what she wants out of sex, not just what I want. Wouldn't you prefer to know that your wife enjoyed having sex with you? Then you know she'd be less likely to have an affair to get the sex she really wants. Sure, a good relationship means compromise and trust, but those can only go so far before someone gets hurt. Ability does not denote desire. Nor would it be wise at this juncture. Hell yes I do. There's no garauntee that I won't either. Modern medicine has done a lot for people, and good diet and excercise can help prolong all sorts of body functions into very old ages (ever heard of kegels?). The idea that sex is impossible at older ages is an all too common myth. Only about 5% of seniors (60+) believe sex is only for those younger than them. www.healthandage.com/public/article-home/3215/Seniors-Are-Having-Unprotected-Sex.html
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Post by voltage on May 30, 2007 17:25:25 GMT -5
I agree that a courtship of that time period would be a smart thing to undergo. However I must point out that again you assume that people can't cahgne the way they have sex, or can't give up the pleasures of self sex (and sexual fantasies) to get along well in a relationship. Sex is not a complicated equation, it's 'built' into us and if you end up with someone your willing to love for the rest of your life why would you care if you didn't get yours? Sex is neccesary for reproduction and a good marraige, but these sexual fantasies which you call compatibility are all based on the assumption that people never outgrow there own sexual fantasies. Then it is not wise for you to be having sex. That's funny because it tells me taht you want to have sex till you die. No wonder you want to justify your thoughts! But then again you believe sex for reproduction is boring, so why not try to have sex at 60, 70, 80, after all we do have Viagra! ;D
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Post by Paragon on Jun 1, 2007 21:12:54 GMT -5
I agree that a courtship of that time period would be a smart thing to undergo. However I must point out that again you assume that people can't cahgne the way they have sex, or can't give up the pleasures of self sex (and sexual fantasies) to get along well in a relationship. Sex is not a complicated equation, it's 'built' into us and if you end up with someone your willing to love for the rest of your life why would you care if you didn't get yours? Sex is neccesary for reproduction and a good marraige, but these sexual fantasies which you call compatibility are all based on the assumption that people never outgrow there own sexual fantasies. Sure, you can drop sexual fantasies if you want. There's no reason you must have sex only the way you want either. But wouldn't you enjoy a relationship in which your sexual fantasies could be fulfilled more than a relationship in which they weren't? Wouldn't that help cement the relationship just that little bit more? Fixed. Is there something wrong with that? A lot of medical and psychological professionals consider that healthy. Sex in general is healthy, its a great workout, releases endorphins, and helps men avoid prostate swelling. The more you do it, the more you can, it helps promote enfettered blood flow to the penis, helps regulate women's hormones and promote fertility, plus helps alleviate pain (a woman's threshold for pain is raised 60-80% during sex). If anything, sex should help elongate my life. Sex for reproduction isn't necessarily boring. No sex except for the purposes of reproduction is.
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Post by voltage on Jun 4, 2007 21:08:49 GMT -5
Sure, you can drop sexual fantasies if you want. There's no reason you must have sex only the way you want either. But wouldn't you enjoy a relationship in which your sexual fantasies could be fulfilled more than a relationship in which they weren't? Wouldn't that help cement the relationship just that little bit more? I would enjoy a mutual relationship. . You must have missed my point. If you can't take care of a child or be financially responsible for a family you shouldn't be committing an act which creates life. A contraceptive doesn't change the purpose and nature of sex. Sex is a reproductive action. Having sex for the pleasure is like chewing food without swallowing. Your taste buds, mouth, esophagus, stomach, and digestive system all have a purpose. But then you could say that it's not a silly thing to do if you stick plastic over your throat so none of the food can go anywhere. I'll say it again, Sex has a purpose and the pleasure is a side effect. But sex isn't like jogging or going to the health club. It makes children, and anyone who says they have sex for general health reasons is about as logical as someone who spits out chewed food for the sake of their jaw muscles. Why shouldn't it be good for you? Any physical activity is good for you. Then again if you stayed pure and married one person you could enjoy sex and avoid things like one night stands, casual sex, heartbreak, and distant relationships. You can say that divorce is what happens to marriage, and I would say that divorce doesn't happen to a true marriage. You said it Paragon. I only ask if you think that chewing and tasting food for the purposes of digesting is boring. I am inclined to believe that you do not fully understand sex. You know it feels good, but your not really grasping it's purpose.
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Post by Admin on Jun 5, 2007 0:55:28 GMT -5
. You must have missed my point. If you can't take care of a child or be financially responsible for a family you shouldn't be committing an act which creates life. A contraceptive doesn't change the purpose and nature of sex. Sex is a reproductive action. Having sex for the pleasure is like chewing food without swallowing. Your taste buds, mouth, esophagus, stomach, and digestive system all have a purpose. But then you could say that it's not a silly thing to do if you stick plastic over your throat so none of the food can go anywhere. I'll say it again, Sex has a purpose and the pleasure is a side effect. And because people are exactly the same as animals we have sex purely for the purpose of reproduction That boils down to preferences and culture. Most people have different preferences and cultures than others. That's not to say anything about me. I would like to be married some day.
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Post by voltage on Jun 5, 2007 16:12:05 GMT -5
And because people are exactly the same as animals we have sex purely for the purpose of reproduction I believe you have reached a good point here. People who have sex outside of a committment of marriage are no better than a monkey who has sex with a new partner every month, year, etc. Then why bring up preferences and cultures! That has absolutely nothing to do with abstinence and purity. Unless you wanted to elaborate...
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Post by Paragon on Jun 9, 2007 20:23:18 GMT -5
I would enjoy a mutual relationship. And I'm sure you'd enjoy that mutual relationship a lot more if you could indulge in your sexual fantasies. You can either keep coming up with things you think are more important, and I'll keep tacking that on, or you can just admit that, all other things being perfect in a relationship, you would prefer your mate allow you to fulfill your fetishes. Are you going to deny that? The only purpose sex has is what people make it. Just because your purpose for sex is to create life does make that everyone else's. As for the nature, I have to disagree. Using a contraceptive does change the nature of sex under those circumstances. With contraceptives, it is not natural to concieve. Therefor, the nature becomes simply one of physical exertion and pleasure. I agree. That is actually a very good analogy. If I did not want to swallow food, and simply taste it instead, I could use something to block it and achieve that goal. However, I do not want to, because that would have an effect I do not particularly desire. The opposite is true of sex. What about gum? I chew chewing gum to help my jaw muscles. And I can say that it takes two people and the right circumstances to create a "true marriage" that works. If you want to get stuck with someone you find out you don't really like later on, but can't get rid of, because its against your morals, go ahead. I prefer to get it right the first time, so I don't regret the consequences later in life. No, I don't. Do you consider that a contradiction? I don't. Sex and digestion are two very seperate bodily functions. I am inclined to believe that you do not fully understand that there is no universal purpose for sex. You know what you use it for, but you're not really grasping that this is not the case for everyone, and need not be.
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